At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for. The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?' 'Very good! And what is it used for?' 'It is used for a headache.' The second pupil said: 'Nytol.' 'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?' 'To help you sleep', replied the student. Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.' 'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister Catherine. 'It is used for diarrhea.' 'And who told you this, Johnny?' 'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, and maybe that sh** you have will get harder.'           Sister Catherine fainted.

  

CATHOLIC  COFFEE Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal.  When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope.  When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

 

This can be the case for so many things....lol

 

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little
boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER: Did you see God up there?
TOMMY: No.
TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there.  Possibly he just doesn't exist.

 A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
  LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
  LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?
TOMMY: Yessssss!
  LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
  LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?
  TOMMY: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!
(You Go Girl!)

Guyanese beggar

 

Every morning John would drive by Water St and every morning he would stop and
give the resident beggar $100.00.

After a while John started to give the beggar $60.00.

The Beggar noticing that his money has been reduced was not too pleased, but
said nothing.

John then dropped to $40.00.

The Beggar noticing this further decrease became noticeably upset and decided
to speak to John about it.

He stopped John one morning after accepting the $40.00 and said,

'Wah happening man'.. yuh use to give me $100..00, den yuh cut it down to
$60.00, now is $40.00 whuh goin on?'

John replied, 'Boy, times get hard.

Meh eldest boy just start university and meh daughter now in High School...so
you know how it is.'

The now irate beggar asked in a tone of disbelief,

'So wait nah... yuh mean to tell me that is outa ME money yuh sending YOUR
chirren to school???'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Didnt know where to post this but had to share. Some folks around my age scored 25 and 23 but  I couldn't get lower than 34...Let me know how you did? 

Instructions below.

This Japanese game is supposed to test your brain's age. The numbers appear for a second and then are replaced by circles. Click on the circles to put the numbers in ascending numerical order. It tests you about 8 times and then gives you a brain age.  Have fun!

 

http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Montana , and talks with an old
rancher. He tells the rancher, 'I need to inspect your ranch for
illegally grown drugs.'
The old rancher says, 'Okay, but do not go in that field over there'
as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, 'Mister, I have the
authority of the Federal Government with me.' Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer.
'See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I
wish...on any land. No questions asked or answers given.
Have I made  myself clear? Do you understand?'

The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his
chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the
DEA officer running for his life chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get "horned" before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....


Your badge...Show him your badge!

Didn't really know where to post this since it is not really funny but truly amazing, if he learnt all on the streets....He could have been one of the stars from the Slum Dog Millionaire

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PrleqeCAPw

 

 

 

To all the "big skin" girls everywhere ......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXe8BLZb5H8

In  addition to communicating with the local Air  Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the  Persian Gulf AOR are required to give the  Iranian Air Defense Radar (military) a ten  minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting  Iranian airspace.

   This  is a common procedure for commercial aircraft  and involves giving them your call sign,  transponder code, type aircraft, and points of  origin and destination.

      

   The  conversation went something like  this...

    Iranian  Air Defense Radar: 'Unknown  aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify  yourself.'

   Aircraft: 'This  is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi  airspace.'

   Air  Defense Radar: 'You  are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart  our airspace we will launch interceptor  aircraft!'

   Aircraft: 'This  is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter.  Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

   Air  Defense Radar: (no  response ... total  silence)

A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."  The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"   "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "Since you are a Negro, do you think that President Barack Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.
 
"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass.  Why do you suppose that is?"  The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."  To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barack Obama... when you don't know !@#$?"

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do, write to them?  Why don’t they just put their pictures on the postage stamp so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

President Bush,First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura,chuckled and said,' You know,I could throw a $1000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.'

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied,'I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.'

Cheney added,' That being the case,I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make  a hundred people very

happy.'

Hearing their exchange,the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot,'Such big-shots back there.Sith I could throw all of y'all ass$s out of the window and make 150million people very happy.'

 

ASSOCIATED PRESS

SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va.–A West Virginia man who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman has been charged with battery on a police officer.

Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test.

As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said.

Cruz, according to complaint, then fanned the gas toward the officer.

"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.

He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction.

Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.

"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.

He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.

A teacher in  Jackson , Mississippi asked her 6th grade class how many
of them were McCain fans..
 
Not really knowing what a McCain fan was, but wanting to be liked
by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little
Johnny.
The teacher asked Little Johnny why he decided to be different... again.
 
Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not a McCain fan.'
 
The teacher said, 'Why aren't you a McCain fan?'
Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Democrat.'
 
The teacher asked why he's a Democrat.
Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Democrat and my Dad's a
Democrat, so I'm a Democrat.'
 
The teacher asks, 'If your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot,
what would that make you?'  With a big smile, Little Johnny replied,
'That would make me a McCain fan.'

I always liked Little Johnny!
 

11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE

                       Eleven people were hanging on a rope,

                              under a helicopter.

                             10 men and 1 woman.

              The rope was not strong enough to carry them all,

                   so they decided that one had to leave,

               because otherwise they were all going to fall.

                  They weren't able to choose that person

                until the woman gave a very touching speech.

           She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,

                            because, as a woman,

                    she was used to giving up everything

               for her husband and kids or for men in general,

                  and was used to always making sacrifices

                           with little in return.

 

                     As soon as she finished her speech,

                  all the men started clapping . . . . . . .

Morris & Esther

 
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say,

'Esther, I'd sure like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,

'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.

If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you!

But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out,

but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'

 

Ramsingh and Dolly were married for many years even though they hated
each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be
heard late into the night.  The old man would shout,

"When I dead, so  help meh, I go dig meh way up and outa de grave and come
back and  haunt you for de ress a yuh life!"

Neighbors feared him. They  believed he practiced some kinda obeah because
of the many strange  occurrences that took place in their neighborhood.
Ramsingh liked the  fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died
of a heart attack.  Dolly had a closed casket at the wake.

After the burial, she went  straight to the beer garden and began to party
as if there was no tomorrow.   Her neighbors, concerned for her safety
asked,

"Dolly, gyal you aint fraid Ramsingh gon dig e way up and outa de grave
and come back to haunt  you for the rest a yuh life?"

Dolly put down the banks and said,  "Yuh tink I chupid or what? Leh him
dig nuh ... ah bury he rass upside  down".

Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart 
intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and 
said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some 
prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the 
vent fans on high for a minute or two which should take care of the problem."

That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The 
employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose 
and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off 
returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from 
the premises and asked none too kindly NOT TO RETURN!
 
Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat 
but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop 
at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over 
the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store!

Arab on a threadmill... sheer terror

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SL6_Qaj7gtc

When Grand Central Stood Still for "NY minute".. Click link below

Click here: Strange Sights: When Grand Central Stood Still

English                                               Chinese Surprise !                                              Wa  Da Fuk That's not right                                    Sum Ting Wong Bitch                                                    Yu Wan Ho A pretty girl                                         Sum Young Ting That’s a fact                                         Da Mi No Are you harboring a fugitive?             Ho Yu Hai Ding See me ASAP                                      Kum Hia Nao Stupid Man                                          Dum Fuk Testicle                                                Ban Ga Lang Small Horse                                        Tai Ni Po Ni Pregnant woman                                 Wa Coc Kan Do Did you go to the beach?                   Wai Yu So Tan I bumped into a coffee table              Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni I think you need a face lift                 Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here                          Wai So Dim This is a tow away zone                     No Pah King Staying out of sight                            Lei Yong Lo He's cleaning his automobile           Wa Shing Kar Your body odor is offensive            Yu Stin Ki Pu This is great                                     Fu Kin Su Pa  Prostitute                                         Yu Sel Pok Fagot                                                Su Ga Ole Urine                                               Su Su Latter                                             Se Yu nex wik Condom                                        Kova Lo Lo Hernia                                         Go Dee

 
       A teacher was helping her students with a math problem.  She recited the following story: "There are three birds sitting on a wire.  A hunter shoots
 one of the birds. How many birds are left on the wire?" 
      A boy pauses.  "None," he replied thoughtfully. 
      "No, no, no, let's try again," the teacher says patiently.  She holds up three fingers.  "There are three birds sitting on a wire. A hunter shoots one," she puts down one finger, "how many birds are left on the wire?" 
 
       "None!" the boy says with authority. 

      The teacher sighs.  "Tell me how you came up with that." 
 
      "It's simple," says the boy, "after the gunman shot one bird,  he scared the other two away." 

"Well," she says, "it's not technically correct, but I like the way you think." 

       "Okay," chimes the boy, "now let me ask you a question.  There are three women sitting on a bench eating popsicles.  One woman is licking the popsicle, one woman is biting the popsicle, and one is sucking the popsicle.  Which one is married?" he asked. 

      The teacher looked at the boy's angelic face and she writhed in agony, turning three shades of red.  "C'mon," the boy said impatiently, "One is licking the popsicle, one is biting and one is sucking.  Which one is married?" 
 
     "Well," she gulped and in a barely audible whisper replied, "the one who's sucking?" 

     "No," he says with surprise, "the one with the wedding ring on.  But I like the way you think!" 
    

 A rich Trinidadian was admitted to the hospital for a heart transplant.
Prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood type in case
the need arose. As the Trinidadian had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be
found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally,
a Guyanese was located who had a similar type of blood. The Guyanese
fella willingly donated his blood for the rich Trini.
After the surgery, the rich Trinidadian sent the Guyanese fella a new
Mercedes Benz, diamonds, gold jewellery and US$100,000 cash.
A year later, the Trinidadian had to undergo corrective surgery. His doctor
telephoned the Guyanese, who was more than happy to donate blood again to
the rich Trinidadian.
After the corrective surgery, the Trinidadian sent the Guyanese a Thank You
card and a 12oz jar of After Dinner Mints.
The Guyanese fella was shocked to see that the second time the Trinidadian
did not reciprocate the Guyanese's kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Trinidadian and asked him why this time, he had sent him only
a thank you card and some sweets. To this, the rich Trinidadian replied "Yo
Bro.....now I have Guyanese blood in my veins

Here is another good ole JA cussing..live on u-tube

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dm8hOG6DcnU

 

    After OCT. 4th...the other dates should never have happened...!

Unless the is a JOKE....!!!

 

Welll!!! is IT...?????  (LOL!)

Your MOTHER.!!!

 

This message was deleted on 07:55AM - Monday December 24, 2007

HOME DEPOT SCAM!! PLEASE READ 
A "Heads Up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out  
shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your 
friends. Here's how the scam works. 
Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as  
you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping 
your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling 
out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you  
thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a 
ride to another Home Depot or Lowe's. 
You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start 
undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts  
crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. 
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 
& 24th. Also November 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, and very likely this  
coming weekend. 
So tell your friends to be careful 

An old woman in a court (Always watch out with Women. They can dress down anyone, anywhere, anytime and of course at any age!)



Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma (A Grandma of any region in he world for that matter!) a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial in USA, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a rinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defence attorney almost died. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said ...
"If either of you Stupid idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Why are wedding dresses white?
IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!!!!!!
IT'S EVEN A BRAVER ONE WHO FORWARDS IT !!!!!!!


Son asked his mother the following question:

"Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies,

"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."

The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.

"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

The father looks at his son in surprise and says,


"Son, all household appliances come in white." 
 

 Two second-graders are arguing over whose father is the biggest scaredy-cat.The first kid says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath the bed."

The second kid replies, "Yeah? Well, that's nothing. My dad is so scared that when my mom has to work the nightshift, he sleeps with the lady next door.

Warning: Adult content.

This message was deleted on 08:07PM - Tuesday February 05, 2008

Warning: Adult themes.

 

 

 

Compliments of tamarind tree.

GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY DESTROYED BY FLOOD

 

Crawford, Texas

(AP) May 23, 2007

 A tragic flood this morning destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. The flood began in the presidential bathroom where both of the books were kept.

 Both of the books have been lost. A presidential spokesperson said the president was devastated, as he had almost finished coloring the second one. The White House tried to call FEMA, but there was no answer.

A 6-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4-year old nods his head in approval. The 6-year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4-year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK!  

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.  His Mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downs stairs, looks at the 4-year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"

"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
Cheerios!!!!"

This is a classic..

Three pastors in a certain denomination - an American, Chinese, and a
Jamaican - were having some difficulty making a decision regarding their
Sunday church offering; specifically, which portion they should keep as
salary, and which portion should go to the Lord.

The American said, "Whenever I collect the offering and the service is
through, after church I put the money in a box, go outside, take a stick
and draw a line on the floor and throw the money in the air. Whatever
falls on the right is for the Lord and whatever falls
on;the left is mine."

The Chinese said, "I put money in box, I don't draw line - Idraw circle! I
stand in center, throw box wi t money in air, whatever fall on outside is
mine and what fall inside is for Lord.

The Jamaican then replied "Mi naw draw nu circle an' mi naw draw nu line.
All I do is put de money inna a box and fling it inna de air....whateva de
Lawd want, him betta grab it fast cause whateva drop pon de groung a fi mi.

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.  The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility... Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?" A: "No sir.  But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away." Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?" A: "The officer who responded to the scene." Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.  Do you trust your fellow officers?" A: "Yes, sir.  With my life." Q: "With your life?  Let me ask you this then officer.  Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation      for your daily duties?" A: "Yes sir, we do!" Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?" A: "Yes sir, I do" Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?" A: "Yes sir." Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker      in a room you share with these same officers?" A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk     through that room." The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's "Best Comeback" line -- and we think he'll win.

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."   The wife says nothing, Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, And she's a far better lover than you are." Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75 He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.. Up to 80. "I want the car, too," he continues. 85 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!" The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?" The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No, I've got everything I need," she says. "Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph,The wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."   Moral of the Story : Women are crazy!!!!   Don't mess with them!!

 

 

while on the subject of airplanes, how do u like this one?

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the

> stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights

> go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow

> passenger." The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it

> slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

>

> "Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

>

> "OK". she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask

> you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the

> same stuff.

> Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat

> patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose

> that is?"

>

> The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

>

> The little girls then says, "Do you feel qualified to discuss nuclear

> power when you don't know !@#$?"

Two men are out ice fishing at their

favourite fishing hole, just fishing quietly and drinking beer. Almost

silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, "I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months." Earl continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says, "You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.

>

>Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself

>as he ran home and started to tell his mother, Mommy, I was at the

>playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I

>went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he

>helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his

>pants off, then Aunt Jane... at this point Mommy cut him off and said,

>"Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest

>of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you

>tell it tonight."

>

>At the dinner table, Mommy asked little, Johnny to tell his story.

>Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's

>car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was

>giving Aunt Jane a big ki ss, and then he helped her take off her

>shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane

>and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used

>to do when Daddy was in the Army.

>

>Mommy fainted!

>

>THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

>Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

OLDIE BUT GOODIE!!!

>

>

> If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about

> trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and

> scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull,

> but that's not the worst of it.

>

> My headlights are out of focus and it's

>especially hard to see

> things up close.

>

> My traction is not as graceful as it once was.

>I slip and slide

> and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

>

> My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

>

> It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

>

> My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

>

> But here's the worst of it --

>

>

>

>

> Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....

> Either my radiator leaks or my exhaust

> backfires

>

HAHAHA FUNNY ONE. LOVE IT. (YOU CRACK ME UP)

Start at the very beginning ...

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.

"I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."

"Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth....................."

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train.

"Aha," says the engineer, "I see that Scottish sheep are black."

"Hmm," says the physicist, "You mean that some Scottish sheep are black."

"No," says the mathematician, "All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least one side of that one sheep is black!"

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
 seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
 As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
 told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing
 the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could
 just put your trays up, that would be super."
 On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
 Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn' t hear
 me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo,
 so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."
 She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
 Princess and I take orders from no one."
 To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a
 beat,
 Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I out rank
 you.
 Tray-up, Bitch......
 

I think the last rhyme was written by one of our GT lime Poets ??? LOL

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE
>RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND
>LINE:
>
>My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
>Marrying you screwed up my life.
>
>I see your face when I am dreaming.
>That's why I always wake up screaming.
>
>Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
>This describes everything you are not.
>
>Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
>But I only slept with you because I was !@#$ed.
>
>I thought that I could love no other --
>that is until I met your brother.
>
>Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, & so are you
>But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty ...
>
>and so is your head.
>
>I want to feel your sweet embrace
>But don't take that paper bag off your face.
>
>I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
>Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
>
>My love, you take my breath away.
>What have you stepped in to smell this way?
>
>My feelings for you no words can tell,
>Except for maybe "Go to hell."
>
>What inspired this amorous rhyme?
>Two parts vodka, one part lime.
>
>

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES
>  An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
>  has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
>  the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
>  pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
>  The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
>  A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got
>  in the back-seat by mistake."
>  ________________________________________________________________________
>                                    FAMILY
>  Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the
>  96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to
>  the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
>  The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see" She
>  starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
>  The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
>  her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that
>  forgetful, knock on wood" She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of
>  you as soon as I see who's at the door."
>  ________________________________________________________________________
>                           "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>  Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
>  day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
>  "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
>  And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
>  _______________________________________________________________________
>                                 LITTLE LADY:
>  A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As
>  she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
>  She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him,
>  she said, "Supersex."
>  He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
>  soup."
>  _______________________________________________________________________
>                                 OLD FRIENDS:
>
>  Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
>  had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
>  activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
>  One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
>  "Now don't get mad at me, I know we've been friends for a long time, but I
>  just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
>  remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
>  Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
>  glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
>  _______________________________________________________________________
>                                SENIOR DRIVING
>  As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
>  Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
>  heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
>  Please be careful!"
>  "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
>  _______________________________________________________________________
>                                   DRIVING
>  Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
>  over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
>  intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
>  woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
>  could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
>  minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
>  Again, they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat was
>  almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she
>  was losing it. She was getting nervous.  At the next intersection, sure
>  enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the
>  other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through
>  three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
>  Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"
>  _______________________________________________________________________
>                     TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
>

23rd Psalm - Jamaican Version
   
The Lord ah mi one boss, and mi nuh fi want nutt'n. Ah Him ah prevent mi
from tell off people everyday.
   
Ah Him ah gimme peace, when so-so madness a gwan roun' mi. Ah Him ah remine mi fi pray and fi do everyting widout complain, murmur or kiss mi teet.
   
Ah Him ah remine mi dat ah Him - noh mi job - ah mi source, although lickle 
more pay woulda nice. Ah Him ah tap mi from mad a daytime, an' ah guide mi 
decisian dem, so mi can honor Him inna hevryting.
   
Ah Him ah prevent mi from shoot up di whole place, an' tun' all mi supervisor dem inna duppy, so mi no haffi go ah prison, an' live mongst ah bag ah (bleep) or get heng.
   
Even though mi get one whole heap of e-mail, fool fool deadline fi wuk wid, have some co-worker dem whey a chat mi behine mi back, some big heediat fi  supervisor, an' a ole body dat kyaan mek it a marning time, mi nah give up because Him deh wid mi!
   
Him presence, Him peace, an' Him power ah go si mi through. Ah Him ah
raise mi up, even when di heediat dem nah promote mi hard-working self, though mi have three set a degree an' diploma.
   
Ah Him claim mi as fi Him own, even when di company ah threaten fi fiah mi,an' me ah threaten fi light wan fiyah an' bun di whole place ah grung. Fi Him faithfulness an' love betta dan any bonus check (but yu si mi, a check 
woulda help out some time).
   
Fi Him retirement plan betta dan every pension plan outta road, but mek anybady try rob this place yah an yuh see wha a guh 'appen out yah tiday.  When unnu done talk, ah Him mi ah go wuk fah fi wan long long time.
   
So Tenk Yuh Lawd.

I was packing for my business trip and my 3-year old daughter was  having a wonderful time playing on the bed.  At one point she said, " Daddy,  look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.

Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, " Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?

 

Aches and Pains

At a nursing home in Florida, a group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their aches and pains.

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Thank God we can all still drive," said one woman cheerfully.

Little Tim's Goldfish

Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?"

"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your dumb cat."

 

________________________________________________

Later.....walk good

Hubert

Warning: The following contains adult content.

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

 "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand.

 "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

'Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a pussy willow."

"Wait up...I'll get my hat."

 

 

 

A Jamaican in the States, out of work and broke, began begging for a job,
any job. Finally he got to the zoo. The zookeeper looked stressed out.
"The monkey escaped last night", the zoo-keeper said,
"if you are willing to put on a monkey suit and stand in the monkey's cage
for a couple days, I'll pay you" The Jamaican immediately accepted.

The pay was OK and the work wasn't hard. He swung from the tree, and
the kids fed him fruits and nuts. He actually started enjoying himself.
He even started adding a few acrobatic moves that he had seen on TV.
Later in the afternoon he swung a bit too vigorously, lost his grip and
flew clean out of the monkey cage and landed in the lion cage next door.

The lion let out a huge roar and our friend in the monkey suit bawled out,
"LAWD GOD, MI DEAD NOW".

The huge lion grabbed him by the throat and whispered,
"Man, shut yuh raas, if yuh evah mek mi lose di likkle wuk yuh
si.......A bite out u rass.........."

____________________________

later...walk good

Hubert

hahaha  pooor kid. he really got a thrill.

A man was in a long line at Wal-mart.
As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms
so
he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the
register.
She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't
know.
She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter,
grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large
condoms,
Register 5."
The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most men,
was up
for a cheap thrill.
When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had
forgotten to get condoms,
and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size and he stated that he didn't know. She asked
him to
drop his pants.
He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom
and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen
was
way too cool.
He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female so he
thought
this was his chance.
When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to
drop
his pants and he did.
She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up
the
intercom and said

........................ You'll love this one)...........
.............................
.........................................
.........................................














"Cleanup, Register 5"

 

SENIOR SEX

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, You
appear to be in good health.  Do you have any medical
concerns you would like to ask me about?

In fact, I do, said the old man.  After I have sex I
am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it
with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said,
Everything appears to be fine.  Do you have any
medical concerns that you like to discuss with me?


The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns.


The doctor then said to her: Your husband had an
unusual concern.  He claims that he is usually hot and
sweaty after having sex with you the first time, and
then cold and chilly after the second time.  Do you
know why?


Oh that crazy old fart, she replied. That's because
the first time is usually in August and the second
time is in January.

Pardon me Madam, but that was an official joke, borrowed from the archives of Tamarind Tree, or was your post an attempted joke?

You'all forgetting the rules. Your memberships will be revoked if you don't watch out, and don't think you can come back under an alias.

Rule #4

4. Don't write about other people in a slanderous way and watch your language

Don't forget the golden rule:

Do unto others as you will have them do to you.

                                                             LIFE AFTER DEATH?

Excuse me, but did you read the rules of the gt lime site?

Thank You Justin  

       By Sir Oliver      

 

 

Justin I did not know how you feel

So for your pleasure I’ll sure kneel

 

I’ll wear my pink spandex so so tight

Especially for your wild delight.

So that we could romp and play all night.

 

And I hope that you attend the lime

That we can hold hands all the time.

 

Justin I’ve heard so much about you

I can only imagine the things you do

To make Oliver feel wanted and true

 I want to remain your only Boo

 

So let them talk as they surely will

For you and I will hug and chill

 

Yes Justin I’ve been so long in pain

Hoping to be with you again

 

We’ll laugh and talk and pretend to fight

And we’ll stay under the covers the whole long night.

 

Thank you my Justin for revealing yourself

Helping to take me off of the shelf.

 

For so very long we hid our big secret

Now we are free and out of the closet.

 

So spank me my Justin

Spank me so hard then run to the corner store and pick up some lard...

 

Sir Oliver 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TRUE CONFESSION

By Justin Konsern

 

O, little Oliver I must admit 

That you have an uncanny wit (I could have used another word that rhymed with wit)

 

A man like you so strong and stout

To hear my name out of your mouth

Bring enormous joy it is clear

As to you my Oliver, I draw so near

 

They say you are so inclined

Very much like Oscar Wilde

 

 I think about the things you say

And wish to Allah that you are truly gay.

 

That I may meet with you some fine

 Day

So that we can both frolic and play.

 

Write some more my little friend

And know that our relationship will have no end

 

You must be right it looks like a switch

Woman for you I’ll surely ditch.

For some good day you’ll be my bitch.

 

Laugh if you must my sturdy bloke

My affection for you is no joke.

 

Write it on the site shout it to the world

 Oliver will some day be my girl.

 

So send me a picture my little lass

That I can prepare to wallop your ….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...here's a good one, (if it opens).....in fact some of you may be able to relate to it. Cooking crabs for the first time........

 

cooking_crabs_for_the_first_time.mpeg

 

http://webmail.aol.com/25698/aim/en-us/Mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=1.17224873&folder=Inbox&partId=4&saveAs=cooking_crabs_for_the_first_time.mpeg

 

Later......walk good...

Hubert

De Guyanese alphabet!!!
>
> A - iz fa antiman
> B - iz fa bamzi
> C - iz fa CHICKEN CURRY n the proudest tool evry coolie hav CUTLASS
> D - iz fa dutty n dunce
> E - iz fa eyepass & eh eh
> F - iz fadda
> G - iz fa godey
> H - iz fa hice ya tail
> I - iz fah ignarent
> J - iz fa jumbee n jackass
> K - iz fa katahar
> L - iz fa lo lo
> M- iz fa mudda
> N- iz fa niqqaritis
> O-iz fa obeyah
> P -iz fa phaglee
> Q -iz fa Quarta inch ply-boad
> R -iz fa racecourse
> S -iz fa scraven n schupid
> T-iz fa tantalize, tek yuh eye an pass me n the thing coolie doz---TEEF
> U - iz fa u mudda
> V - iz fa vex
> W -iz fa wine
> X - iz fa meh nah noe
> Y - iz fa yowri
> Z -iz fa zed!!!

A nun at Hooters

 A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.  She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"  

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said
the nun.

 So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant and she proceeded to the restroom.

After a few minutes, she came back out and the whole place stopped  just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

The bartender laughed and said, "Every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

Moth Man

A guy walks into a dentist's office and flops right down on the couch.

"Doc", he says, "Here's the problem. I think I'm a moth"

"Well", says the doctor, "That certainly is a problem, but why did you come into a dentist's office?"

"The light was on."

Marriage and Men

- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.

- Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home

- A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face

- Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.

- An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.

- Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.

- Getting married is one mistake every man should make.

- A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.

- Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.

- The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet.

and lastly............

- Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects which prevented her from gettting a better husband that the one she married!

 

________________________________________________________

Later.....walk good....

Atleast the thread is living up to it's name. Just oddles of laughs and jokes at every scroll. Jt you're right people are starting to take things too serious. Welll i hope Peter doesn't leave. Even though we havent communicated i do enjoy the few post i have mangeded to read that  he wrote.

Sir Oliver. lol that was funnny  but it seems u made a few adjustments lol.

P.S Jt i think you need to apply as this site's historian. You know too much lol.

Izzy

Vladaweird was dying. His lover sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his lover replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I want to confess that I slept with your brother, your best friend, his best friend, and your father!"

"I know, I know," the lover replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work." 
 

You know I am tired of this obsessive compulsive person who just can't help but rehash the same thing over and over. Give me a break. The idea behind this person causing all this confusion on this site is because he wants it to be a flop like his was. If he acts crass enough people will leave. He does not have respect for women period, so don't listen to the lies.  I do not know Faye Dinally personally. I met her on this site. Mrs. Yard has not been on this site in ages. Dreamer. Let sleeping dogs lie will you please.  Stop obsessing over and over again.

Mark is correct in his censorship. If he isn't doing anything about the outrageous behavior on the site people talk, when he does something people talk. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

So one comes in peace....and another leaves in peace....and somewhere in the middle there are a whole bunch of people laughing their asses off !!! isn't it ironic that this is going on in the 'Funnies' thread ???
Peter, you know me buddy, you know the crap we talk , you know mark will never let you walk away from this site because of me or anyone else. This is what happens when you have people reading too much into every little thing someone posts. people obsessing with others lives. getting personal. I knew this was gonna happen eventually. You guys know I am full of siht literally. OK.
now I can stir up any pot big time. And everytime I pull out my pot spoon there appears the one with the quotes from the Bible and other ridiculous innuendos. Assuming to know me and what I do, and my life .  personal attacks on me. We can have fun without bringing in the fact that your man is still in love with you after 40 years! Who cares??? Who cares about how many grandchildren you have. Who??? I sure don't. Who thinks it is ingenious to spell out people's name and cackle like a pack of hyenas at someone's photograph??? ( BY the way Mark those pics with your camera suck big time buddy) Made everyone look so drunk and old back in december. I mean I was looking at Sleepy and Flabby ......damn. Even Peter Woo looked bad for his age.
Melanie, you obviously don't know Peter Hussain. He is not like that at all, if you listen to us carry on you would swear we are blood enemies. not the case. I don't think he was offensive at all to the women on this site. if anyone was offensive I WAS !   to this character who always gets on my case. calling me a fag on a public forum! And faye dinally just joined up to get in some cuffs ?? nah...And I WILL be offensive to her as long as she keeps attacking me. Rayshon, bygones are not really gone when people keep jumping on me . I am not gonna sit back and let her attack me at every opportunity she gets. and restrain myself just because she is a woman. I have told her that before and i stand by my word. I don't care who you are, you act like a lady you will be treated like one.

Look  at Vlad , the crap he said about Alex ( oliver twist) you think that was necessary? But we know who Vlad is, so we just deal with him accordingly. Now mark is upset, so hey watch out for the checkpoint up ahead...make sure you have your license, registration and fitness.....cause is everybody going to Brickdam tonight rasss

To all those people that were offended by my stupid remarks on this thread,I am trully sorry.In no way did i think it would be offensive......I was wrong. Please accept this as a sincere apology.

The last Five years were awesome.....getting to interact with some of the brightest Guyanese people around...priceless

Ps.Marky Mark and the other administrators,I am sorry for the needless problems I have caused......................signing off

 
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR.

After his talk he offers question time.
 
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him his name. ' Stanley ,' responds the little boy.
 
'And what is your question, Stanley ?'

'I have 4 questions:
 
First, why did the US invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
 
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
 
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
 
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay-marriage when half of all Americans don't have health insurance?

Just then, the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, 'OK, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?'
 
Another little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him his name. 'Little Johnnie' he responds. 'And
what is your question, Little Johnnie?'

'Actually Sir, I have 6 questions:
 
First, why did the US invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
 
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
 
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?
 
Fourth, why are we so worried about gay marriage when half of all Americans don't have health insurance?
 
Fifth, why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?
 
And sixth, what the HELL happened to Stanley ?'

Here is a prayer for you

Prayer for Lonely People

And here's another one

For Families Torn by Addiction

I think she is the real problem here on this site. And I don't give a rat's ass who disagrees with me.

Some people don't know when to leave well enough alone. Just like the energizer bunny. Takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Are you so lonely that you have to cause trouble. I guess your website was a flop so you're trying to stop people from using this website. Jeez, I feel sorry for you. People think so much of you they haven't even engaged you in debate on your thread you started. If you would stop being so obnoxious you'd probably win more people over. You come across as crass. You sound like a lonely little boy crying out for attention. Grow up.

Mr. Jt, I can feel what you are trying to convey but you can now leave well enough alone and move on. There is no need to prolong the issue. Let bygones be bygone.

The second half of your post was so well delivered, I am in total agreement with what you said but just know that not everyone is the same and thinks the same.

Izzy babe, I just can't help myself sometimes. Some people just take this site and everything else way too seriously. I even think it is some mental disorder really. Why should Peter's post be the straw that broke the camel's back? Peter was lame in comparison to MZ Periana and her stupidity.And the other one from Albouystown??? Mz Dinally?? She sounded just like the other one mz Yard too! Both of them came out calling me a fag,  a" Potagee' ass, and you guys blame Peter? I think she is the real problem here on this site. And I don't give a rat's ass who disagrees with me. I am sure some of you, if not most will agree that this woman just don't know when to shut her mouth.
Now how come nobody bothers to post anything on this site, but all of a sudden we have a disagreement and everyone comes out of the wood work sending emails complaining!!!! So they just read and laugh and what?? This is a guyanese site, we are guyanese, we can not agree all the time and talk about tickets to this lime year after year . And cheap hotel rates, and stale food and spoiled black pudding!!! You people are just so full of yourselves sometimes. Walk around with your noses up in the air like your bathroom don't need a ventilator fan of air freshener. This is what kills this site. The double standards. But when we all get together in person it's a horse of a different color? We carry on and talk all kids of crap. We laugh our asses off, but when we go on a message board we act like the cat's meow. gimme a break ! 

PH, with all due respects, I know that it appears that your post is the straw that broke the camel's back but please know that is truly not the case and I am comfortable saying that and knowing that I speak on behalf of Mark as well.  Whom I am sure when he surfaces from his hectic weekend activites will confirm my statement. 

The post from Mark on behalf of admin was necessary and inevitable and resulted from the many personal emails received from limers on Friday suggesting that we do something about the goings on. I hope you can understand it is never our position to offend our friends but sometimes in doing what is necessary our friends seem to get the blunt of it.  I trust that we will have your understanding.

Marky Mark, I did not know you made Ms.Melanie the moral police of the site.......if she would come off her self righteous high horse come down to earth only then she would  know anything about my character."I don't know you personally but your response certainly revealed a great deal about you! " What BS ah dat,this oman must be wan fartune tella......she ah tell wan person characta jus from reading ah few sentences.